update

i'm feeling stressed today.

i'm not exactly sure why, although there are a likely number of factors. i'm not eating enough (or really properly), not sleeping enough, feeling like i'm behind with schoolwork, and stressing about this obligation i'm putting on myself to communicate regularly with people back home.

i should explain - people back home are not demanding that i speak with them daily, and i genuinely want to talk to them anyway. in fact, not talking to them a lot also causes anxiety. but i've created this mandatory task in my brain that's stressing me out, and also severely affecting my ability to get work done, simply because of the time difference and the way that reasonable hours for communication on both ends happen to fall (i.e. during my evening hours, when i also need to be doing homework, prepping food, and getting ready for the next full day of classes).

school is amazing. it's challenging, and inspiring, and frustrating, and fascinating, and worthwhile, every single day. i'm literally learning something new every day.

i'm struggling to find a rhythm, however. the things that i love and need in my life to make things easier, both on my anxious brain and on my body, like yoga and knitting and eating healthy, are incredibly difficult to fit into my schedule. i teach yoga monday-thursday to classmates at 8am, which means most days i'm up at 6, at campus by 7:45, and there until at least 5 (usually later than that). then i have about 45 minutes in transit to get home, followed by needing to make food, get back in touch with partners and friends, shower to save time in the mornings, and also somehow get ready for the following day. friday is a bit of a break, starting at 10 and also usually ending at 5. weekends involve getting groceries, and shopping still for household items that i don't have time to get during the week, and trying to catch up on homework and reading, and also relaxing. sundays are my rest day, and involve being out of the house for 6 hours, grabbing two yoga classes and reading in between. that's my "me" time.

i miss having time to knit, and read what i want to, and watch random tv and movies to let my brain untangle, and cook complete meals instead of oatmeal or cold leftovers, and talk to people, and still sleep for a decent amount of time.

i realize that a lot (most) of my anxiety is thanks to my own brain. and i'm genuinely happy about what i'm doing, and living in london, and all the stuff crammed into my crazy schedule. i also realize that easing my anxiety will, for the most part, involve finding that rhythm, and that it is still early days. i don't want people to worry about me, because i'm doing well generally. i'm stressed (which my skin is blatantly pointing out to me), and that stress will change many times every day. but i am spending most of my days with my coping mechanisms, yoga and theatre. so things will be fine. and are fine, in most ways. today is just hard. it's okay though. i'll sleep, and go to school, and learn more things, and take the afternoon that we have off to go with a friend to my favourite cafe in camden and read.

i miss you all, and i think that ache is just a bit sharper this evening. but i'll see you soon.

on an exciting side note, i've started planning my sip (sustained independent project) for next summer. it will involve alice in wonderland, in some way or other. i'll keep you updated.

pulling in every direction

i'm feeling overwhelmed right now, due to a combination of factors, including the fact that i pulled an all-nighter to finish the mohawk hat for my friend (it looks great...pictures to follow soon). i leave for the uk in little more than three days now, and am feeling the crush of leaving lovers and loved ones behind. that anxiety is being coupled with a feeling of being...attacked? misinterpreted? both?...by people who i thought were friends. it sucks when you try to help out your community and get blacklisted by members of that same community. i suppose it's the norm when you're an activist, but it still sucks big time.

luckily, i have wonderful people close around me who are helping me feel a bit better about the whole thing, and who keep reassuring me that i'm not a terrible person blundering around on sensitive issues. ah life. leaving for new lands will be great and terrible at the same time. my heartstrings are being pulled in many directions, resulting in a straining ache. cuddles, tea, yoga inversions, and dark chocolate are the solution. and knitting, of course. always knitting for those fidgety fingers.

busy busy busy

sorry i haven't posted any of those updates i said i would. i've been knitting like a fool, trying to finish these final four projects before flying out in a week and a half, while also seeing friends and partners as much as possible. i finally finished the baby cardigan yesterday night (pictures to follow once it's dried and has buttons), and am simultaneously knitting a handshoe and spinning fibre for a cowl. hoping to have those two finished by saturday when i get the materials for my final project, a mohawk hat...yeesh.

today is a rainy day and the first one in a while where i didn't book anything in advance, so i've been taking advantage of it, baking cupcakes, doing laundry, spinning, and hanging out with a partner. hopefully i'll have time to post pictures of finished projects soon.

on a side note, i had my first-ever pedicure yesterday, at a local organic spa courtesy of a beautiful friend. she gave me a gift certificate after i helped her get into film school, and knowing that i have issues with my feet, told me to use it on a pedicure. 75 whole minutes strictly spent on my tootsies. i have never let anyone touch or look at my feet for that long ever before. it was a beautiful gift, and my toes are now a pretty navy blue! being a femme is kinda fun sometimes.

handspun!!!

i made handspun last night! my second time working with my drop spindle...

which then turned into this...

loving the slubby nature of my yarn!

(i'm knitting my best friend back home a wasabi cowl for her birthday this month out of the handspun.)

here's the pile of rovings i have left to spin.

they're kettle-dyed merino top from local fibre lady UberWench. know what's awesome about buying from your local dyer? if you need more, all you have to do is email them and arrange it :) i'll be picking up another 4 bundles after she dyes them this weekend for me. hopefully that's enough to get me through the project.
on a completely unrelated note, i'm getting a new macbook later today to replace my old pc (my parents are awesome folks), so that inundation of posts i promised yesterday will probably be up in the next couple of days. i got distracted yesterday by cupcake baking and spinning. and chores, but those were less fun.

hurricane showers

it's pouring rain today, and is supposed to continue doing so for the next few days. a hurricane is headed our way, and apparently a shift in one degree east or west will determine whether we get hit or just get a lot of rain while newfoundland deals with the major storm. either way, it means i'll be hermitting for a little bit, which is nice when you've been too social recently and just want to knit curled up at home with le netflix.

anyway, today's plans include venturing out briefly for groceries and then doing laundry, making appointments, doing paperwork things, and knitting. and hopefully getting some stuff on here updated. i've done a number of projects and adventures recently that need to get posted, including a YARN ROAD TRIP AROUND THE PROVINCE! yes, i went on a road trip specifically for yarn. it was awesome. multiple yarn-gasms awesome. so that will be posted in a bit. and i knit some new stuff, and have a couple of projects on the go, and several projects planned, so maybe i'll be a dork and post a bunch of fibre-related things. sorry if i inundate any newsfeeds (i don't think that will be much of a problem though...).

teaser pic of one of the EIGHT skeins i picked up during the trip...

this is handmaiden fine yarn's casbah, which is a blend of merino and cashmere (and a bit of nylon, so that you can make nice socks from them). i have no idea what it will become, but i love the colours. my partner described them as 'lego'.

yet again, craft planning

today has been quite the crafty one. i sketched out an outfit (check the last post), knit a pair of handshoes for a lover, baked gluten-free macaroons (although they were from a mix and involved microwaving...always question a cookie recipe that involves the microwave), and now i'm embroidering yet another eye pillow.

it is once again thundering here on the coast. i wanted to go kayaking today, but given that i've never done it before (i do love to canoe though) and that the water's a bit choppy due to the weather, i decided it would be smarter to spend the day indoors. my muscles are restless though. i need to dance or something. the soundtrack for today has included florence + the machine and mo kenney, a local musician who's as talented as they are cute. i'm hoping to finish the embroidery tonight, as well as turn a normal shirt into one that works with cuff links. back to my needle and thread. 

eye pillow the second

i finished off my darling friend's eye pillow this morning, after fighting with my sewing machine for a while. sometimes it runs smoothly, other times it decides to be a pain in the ass. anyway, here's the result:

it was another freehand creation, which means that symmetry isn't perfect. i kind of like that though. it makes it feel more unique and loving, if that makes sense. it's a teacup with an om symbol and a heart on the tea bag string. the heart kind of resembles a bird, but that's okay. it's a simple design, which is a nice subtle reminder that simplicity is sometimes the most beautiful. i often overdo things and forget about the beauty of simplicity.

i've been spending the morning baking black bean brownies, writing a letter to my friend, and listening to shane koyczan's new album. it's been wonderful. i'll be popping this in the mail along with a pair of handshoes for another friend (check them out on my sunflowerknit creations page - they're the houndstooth ones), then going for coffee with yet another friend before rehearsal. my life is filled with incredible people and delightful things these days.

more planning

i'm making another eye pillow, this time for my best friend back in the prairies. she and i have been best friends since high school, and have supported each other through too many situations to count. she's also one of the few people i stay in regular contact with despite the distance and time since we've lived in the same city. some of our mutual loves include tea, yoga, books, and holistic healing. anytime one of us is dealing with life stuff, we talk to one another and the temporary solution is always 'do some yoga, read a good book (often 'cunt' by inga muscio), and drink herbal tea.' here's my brainstorming for her eye pillow embroidery design:

i haven't decided whether to fill in the teacup yet or not, but the colour scheme will definitely be in the warmer tones.

planning

i'm making eye pillows for some cute people in my life. one of them lives in the states, and i miss them loads, despite only having met them once in person for a few hours. the eye pillows are already sewn and stuffed with flax seeds, lavender, calendula, and lentils. now i'm working on embroidering slip covers for each pillow. here's a pic of my sketches and plans for my southern friend. (fyi, some of you may find the word offensive. do some research and learn why it's not.)

meet my twin

every once in a while, you meet someone who is clearly your soulmate. i was lucky enough to meet this person a couple of years ago. we are non-biological twins - we do everything the same. i'm not just talking about liking the same music (which we do) or studying the same subjects (which we do). we love the same books, bake with cinnamon and cook with basil regardless of the recipe, have the same love/hate relationship with capital letters, think the same things at the same time...it's creepy. and wonderful. meet my beautiful twin, dana carly andrews. she's an incredible singer/songwriter, actor, poet, musician, writer, and person.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jyWZWP9vPaE&feature=related