detox

i'm on a detox right now. today is the midpoint of it. it's based on ayurvedic practices and involves morning dinacharya, including waking up early, dry brushing and rubbing oils on my skin towards my heart, tongue scraping, neti, yoga and meditation, and taking supplements to aid in digestion and detoxification. i'm halfway through the mono-diet, and have already made a date with a friend for sunday lunch at a local vegan and gluten-free restaurant. while the mono-diet is hard and making me at turns cranky and hyper, and i doubt that my sweet tooth will go anywhere as a result, the detox is getting me back into healthier routines. and i'm dreaming of all the delicious things that i will cook and bake in the coming days! that's the most important part, i think. reminding myself that i do have time to cook for myself despite busy days, and that i can do it in a way that doesn't only involve baked goods and toast. of course, the first thing that i plan on making is a cheesecake, but it's all in the intention :)

my very own drop spindle (and some other goodies)

today i ran some errands while job-hunting, and i ended up with some lovely stuff.

waterproofer from MEC, bear trap and mango madness teas from David's Tea, and MY VERY OWN DROP SPINDLE from the loop, my favourite local yarn shop.



the spindle is handmade locally from 100% upcycled cutting board. it's beautiful, and has the perfect weight. i can't wait to start spinning my own yarn on it!

i wish every day was like this...

i found this photo on fuckyeahdykes.

there are so many things about it that i love. mostly just that i wish i felt as comfortable as these two to lie naked in the woods, making music. maybe someday we'll live in a society that values bodies for what they are, rather than manipulating minds into hating our natural beauty.

a sombre moment

i have been absent from this blog for a while. i've been busy knitting gifts, performing, and finishing off my degree, but now that all that has calmed down, i have time again to focus on other things. like what books i want to read, how the trees are budding, and cooking at home again.

and on less positive things.

a couple of nights ago, a brutal act of violence in my neighbourhood took the life of a prominent gay activist. the attacker was caught and it is now up to the judicial system to determine what happens to them. in the meantime, though, my heart is being torn apart and stitched back up multiple times each day. there are so many politics surrounding this case - was it a hate crime or not? does the attacker's mental history mean they are to be blamed or excused? should people be more on their guard or do we chalk this up to a tragic isolated incident? - and yet, despite all the thoughts and emotions swirling around my body and mind, i cannot fully articulate what i need to say about this tragedy.

just because the courts determine an attack to not officially be a hate crime, does not mean that the victims, and their communities, will come to the same conclusion.

demonizing one person's actions because of their mental health stigmatizes those with a mental illness of their own living as successfully as anyone else in society. it also ignores the fact that our health care system is woefully inept when it comes to dealing with mental health, and current cuts are making that situation even more dire.

if you are straight and cis and an ally, thank you. but please don't determine for us whether a hate crime was perpetrated or not. a member of our queer community was brutally beaten while "faggot" was yelled in his face, then left to die. whether the attack stemmed from homophobia or it was just one of many factors, homophobia still played a part in the crime. homophobia = hate. it was a hate crime, just perhaps not in the judicial sense.

there are so many factors that are at play here. we cannot ignore the fact that we live in a society that has for so long institutionalized and historicized fear and hatred of different communities, that we can no longer untangle the individual root strands of violence and discrimination.

i acknowledge that we have come a long way.

we have also barely moved. i have watched as partners decide which side of the cis binary will be safer to pass as when we encounter potentially dangerous situations. i have changed pronouns in discussions to avoid hostility. i have changed subjects during cab rides to ensure i get home at the end of the night. i have played straight and cis so many times that it is second nature, but never natural. i am one of the lucky ones who has never been physically attacked yet for being queer. i should not have to consider myself lucky.

the outpouring of love and support i have seen from literally across the globe in response to this attack is heartening. i believe we, as a society, can do better. we are clearly capable of it. we just need to do better faster, before we lose more friends to senseless hatred.

don't lose hope, friends. if we lose hope, we lose everything. and there are so many brilliant things in this world. it would be a shame to miss them because we only focused on the grey.

refreshment

i've been hanging out for the last few days with old friends in the theatre community. it's always so wonderful to receive reminders that creating weird, innovative, off-the-wall collaborations can be not only rewarding, but viable. i think that, too often, when you are educated within a certain model (which may still teach you invaluable skills), it can be far too easy for people to bring you down or discourage you from forging your own path. luckily, i have a lot of friends around me who are forging multiple paths, and who i can take inspiration from as i start to map my own. because i will forge a new path, just being careful to be kind to the forest around me as i do so. spring is on its way, and as cliche as it may be, it offers new opportunities for inspiration and growth. namaste, chickadees.

click, click, click...

i'm not doing too well in terms of updating this blog on a regular basis, but maybe once classes finish, i'll have more time. most of my (not so) free time these days has been spent knitting. i've decided to knit a gift for everyone in my acting family for our graduation. fifteen projects by the first weekend of april. i currently have one done. yikes! it's fun though, and i'm loving the excuse to browse yarn shops and scan ravelry on a daily basis. some exciting news: i got accepted into grad school! i'll be moving to london in the fall for a one-year master's degree in advanced theatre practice. my plan for world domination via art and food is slowly manifesting itself... it's pouring where i am right now, which means it's time for tea. valentine's day is coming up soon for those of you who care. i tend to use it as an excuse for trying out fancy recipes and crafting. back to knitting!

everything happens for a reason

it's been a little longer since i last wrote than i would have liked. i've been busy, flying across time zones and being accepted into graduate programs (a very exciting surprise that hasn't quite sunk in yet). looks like i'll be moving to the u.k. for a year this autumn. i'm incredibly excited about the opportunity to live and study in my favourite city, especially since it means my short-term plans will continue to trundle towards my long-term goal. of course, life has a way of throwing curveballs at us, and moving so far away from my current home will come at a price (other than the significant financial one). relationships as they are will change. it has been pointed out to me recently that we are never the same moment from moment, which i suppose is another way of saying that we constantly evolve. i forgot about that. i have trouble letting go of things, and quick adaptation seems to be a 50/50 shot. i've made some late new year's resolutions though. i need to spend some more time focusing on my own needs rather than basing my life around others'. that will take a major mental shift, but i'm optimistic. back to yoga, eating healthily, doing things that make me happy. it's a new year. i wish you all health, happiness, and warmth on those chilly days.